His Shui is not very Feng...

In a World Gone Mad...

2008-09-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

...we won't spank the monkey - the monkey will spank us.

R.I.P., Don LaFontaine. Your voice will be missed.

Betcha ten bucks God's making him replace the Metatron.

Note to self: get crazier.

Sharing...

2008-07-09T23:13:00.000-07:00

Nothing productive happening except trying to get my PC in decent running order again (I feel like a fuckin' technological idjit sometimes) & ushering in a new member of the family. She will be the subject of an upcoming post. But first: a bit of wisdom from George Carlin...

BTW, I recommend spending a couple of hours listening to Bill Maher's audiobook When You Ride Alone You Ride With Bin Laden. Maher, bright man that he is, has shed a bit of light on America the Current World Power. It makes me reconsider my hardline thoughtspace of Political America the Evil Empire. Not that it's not evil or horribly fucking arrogant, but it could be a whole lot worse. In comparison to former world powers, America seems, at least from Maher's perspective, to have shown remarkable restraint.

But, yeah, arrogant as fucking hell.

It's After Midnight, but Happy Canada Day Anyway

2008-07-01T22:12:00.000-07:00

Here I am, just before Canada Day ends, & I'm gonna let fly a diatribe about poor representations of the flag. You will see FAIL!s, points for trying & points for creativity. But I'll begin with our true national flag & it's proportions: square white field flanked on each side with red bars each being half as wide as the white field with a stylized-in-a-particular-way red maple leaf in the centre. Last I checked, that *stylized* phrase doesn't appear in the official rules for the flag, but when it's right it's right & when it's wrong it's disrespectful. IMO.

Success

I had one of these pins when I was a kid

Proportional vinyl in two variations - three red pieces for white surfaces, & one two-colour piece with a white border for non-white applications.

Someone was thinking with these proportional cufflinks

Official logo for quite a while

Gotta love a Canadian flag guitar

Gotta love Canadian T+A

And, if this is your speed, Canadian C+A

Successful Variations

The white field should be wider, but whatever

Again, the white field should be wider, plus the maple leaf should have been made large enough to be proportional even though it'd mean it would overflow the edge

Too cute to not give points to

How can I argue with a true statement?

Nicely done considering the limitations of the form

You need these every time you fly

Supes is, after all, Canadian, eh

Points for mocking people who over-do their multiculturalism

The white field should be a bit wider, but this is a cool effect

A nicely done 20x41 stitch pattern for... um... something

An iron cross version for bikers

Again, the white field is too slim, but what great, earthy vibe

Points for the limitations of the form

Points only if homemade - if mass produced, this is a big FAIL

FAIL! #1 - Negligent Proportions

FAIL! #2 - Improper Border

FAIL! #3 - Desecration

Could've been nice, but the proportions are too far off

Points for creativity, but still a massive fail

Correct proportions. I strongly disagree with the application, but respect the idea behind it, with the blue bars representing francophone Canadians. They whiny ones are such fucking whiners

When both colours are changed it can be a nice creative interpretation, but when one colour is changed, you aren't half-right but half-wrong & very disrespectful

Without the red bars, very much a yes. But with the red bars a well-intentioned but slap-across-the-head-worthy dis

Very nice design. But the flag at the bottom was done by a fucking ignoramus

I like shiny things (insert joke here), but this xmas ornament is made of fail

YAY 1992 World Series

A proposed North American flag

Another Holy Shit Moment

2008-06-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

I think I just found out what breed of cat Veronika is.

Not that she's a *purebreed without papers* or anything, cuz she does happen to be the product of a wilderness sexual liaison, but the pix of the Maine Coon sure as dippity-does look like her, & the description of her demeanour & abilities match.

Frex:

They also have bushy-plumed tails and broad, angular heads, squared-off muzzles and wide-set ears topped with tufts of fur (known as 'Lynx-tips'). Their tails can be so bushy that the Maine Coon has earned the nickname the 'tail with a cat attached to it'.

They have a tendency to use their front paws extensively (often curling the paw round to pick objects up)...

Maine Coons are noted for their ability to trill their meows, which sounds like a combination of a purr and a meow, and they tend to make this sound when happy or startled. (When I answer her in kind, I am often told my emulation sounds like a pigeon.)

Maine Coons can be very dog-like in their behaviour. Playing fetch is a favourite game. As with dogs, they will bring their ball, drop it at the feet of their intended playmate and wait for the ball to be thrown. They will often accompany their owner on chores like getting the mail, walking the dog, and may also come when beckoned...

Now I know she's not only not a *mutt*, but if the time ever comes when I'm in need of another feline companion I'll know there's a breed to look for.

Outside & Writing

2008-06-26T16:57:00.000-07:00

There I was, sitting at the community picnic table turning a dream of Kyle's into a script in which I waxed rhapsodic about how God sang through a Scottish Terrier as the protagonist handled a cadaver, with my cordless phone having just rung, my Israeli neighbour having just said "Hi" out her window & the neighbouring apartment building playing Johnny Cash on full blast (still) as they do something worthy of applause...

...when I just had to laugh, out loud, to myself, over the ridiculousness of that moment of my life.

Question (my overthunked, fubar'd brainspace)

2008-06-22T02:23:00.000-07:00

I'm not a pig. Really. But I just read an article about prostitution & am now compelled to ask:

(& this isn't rhetorical, because prostitution isn't illegal everywhere, & isn't illegal in Canada)

If a person can charge for the service of sex, why can't a person ask for sex as payment? It isn't as offensive as it seems.

Sure, there's income tax, PST, GST, RST, HST, etc to think about, cuz the biggest mob in your country needs to get their cut & all, but that's just details.

Hmmm. Maybe it IS as offensive as it seems. I'm thinking about having my car stuck in a ditch. I'm thinking about two tow trucks sitting there, waiting to see who gets my business. One has asked for $200 to extricate my car & tow it to town. The other has asked for a blowjob.

$200 is too much to charge for this service. On the other hand, if you believe the movies, a hummer goes for something like $50, & in those terms is a pretty good deal. It would then be up to me, the consumer (oh shit - I just made an unintentional punny), to decide who gets my business. Which would I rather part with - my hard earned cash or my cocksuckerless memory, assuming my memory is indeed cocksuckerless?

But, what if both drivers were looking for some kind of sexual reimbursement? You could end up living in a region where a particular service is a monopoly run by someone who doesn't need money, or by two competitors who agree that preparing an individual's tax return is worth a 10min handjob, but writing off expenses to your home-operated business is worth a 30min bout of anal. Would there be some kind of mandate (what an unfortunate compound word) ensuring the personal hygiene of anyone charging sex for goods & services? Standards regarding the disinclusion of any BDSM? Could a tip for services rendered be, when performing cunnilingus (masterfully, of course) to pay for your meal, you do a couple of passes down around the rim?

Of course, this is where someone puts up their hand & suggests that, in addition to cash, cheque, money order, credit card, wire transfer, etc, you have the choice to offer *services*.

And that's where the Big Mob would step in & say "No". Bartering, unlike prostitution, is illegal.

Very loosely relatedly, can you imagine a world where every service must be charged for, or, if not charged for, then charged tax on? Little Billy, you just went to the store for the old lady upstairs. That service would net a delivery professional $7. I know you're only 10yo, but you owe the G-Men 6%. Cough it up.

Don't have the cash? There's a service you can provide...

I Made $100 on Saturday Night

2008-06-16T11:41:00.000-07:00

I had more hair on my face than many people have on their entire body. The guys have been relentlessly teasing me, telling me how I'll never get laid with *the mitt*. Then I say I have a new gf & she loves it & they ask me if she's a bag lady. Heh.

So John, in his patented faux-serious look & tone, says SHAVE that FUCKING thing OFF! Then he offers me $50. I say if it's matched I'll do it.

Can we do it? Sure! Can we take out time over the entire night & fuck with it? As long as I look normal by the time I leave, sure!

Len ponies up $25, thinking he & John are gonna split 50/50. I decline - $100 on the table & it's a deal. You'll keep it off? What're the terms? The life of the band. Uh - noOOoo - I plan to be playing with you guys into my senior years, & it's gonna get cold in the winter. First snowfall. First snowfall WHERE? Here in Barrie (semantic motherfuckers). I dunno, man, says John.

Peter next door, the old Rush roadie, says Hey, I don't even CARE & I'll put up the other $25 & first snowfall's fine with me. John relents.

We mix more drinks & the fun begins.

Johnny Wadd's $50 bought him first-swipe.

Those're some bigassed chops.

I told Tamara I was trying to not look at her boobs. She said she didn't care, the flirty girl.

Her man, Lenny, had to get in on the action...

...& pulled this unfallen nest off my face.

I look MAH-vellous.

Dessert.

Peter next door has lived, but I think this was a new experience even for him.

Lop-sided brutha.

John, back into the action, lamented he hadn't left me the hair for a Hitler. Next spring, he promised.

Fuck all y'all...

...but I loves ya.

Mein poor biert. I haff lost my best friend.

C'mere, bitch.

...must...drink...more...

I'm dead sex-ay.

Pretend it's your birthday...

... & make a wish.

YAR!

I fucking rawk.

Apologies for the black - we were partying by candlelight.

My Prostate's Super, Thanks for Asking

2008-06-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

Today was the day for a physical. I inhaled & exhaled on command, turned my head & coughed, had my joybuzzer pushed, was asked if I ever saw my father & how was his health.

In addition to having my tailpipe checked, my car got the same treatment. An odd-yeared car emissions-tested on an even year (who the fuck thought THAT brilliant scheme up?). Passed. I get to renew my plates & my license during my next weekday trip through Elmvale (It's totally worth it - line-ups in MTOs in Barrie can be up to an hour long; in Elmvale it's an odd occurrence to not just walk up to the desk).

I'm due for a new license pic, a BIG-ASSED BEARD pic - HA-HAAAA!

And... I get to inherit this fucking AWESOME light. It's a die-cast metal aeroplane with an interior light-slash-ashtray-slash-spittoon (that's merely assumed - could be for pipe tobacco or something)-slash-main light near the base-slash-effen eh conversation piece. I'm more happy than happy.

If Esmeralda ever conjures the play-like story I hinted at the other day, there totally needs to be an aeroplane scene, so photos of this bad motherfucker can be used in it.

It needs repair for stability & rewiring for lighting, so I might not assume ownership 'til the end of next winter, but you can be guaranfuckinTEED I will post pix... unless there's a story (HINT HINT, Esme :D)

My First Honest-to-Gosh Review

2008-06-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

St. Äma compliments & criticises in this review of my A Free Comic Book Day Comic.

You can have your very own free copy mailed (or hand-delivered if you're in Barrie or the surrounding area) by visiting this order page. <--- go me on the blatant whoring! But, is it whoring if the work is free, or am I just putting out to put out?

Even if you're not a fan of Äma's, I had a SERIOUS laugh over his version of the Kindergarten For Grown-Ups colouring book page, included with the review. Great fucking stuff.

And, with it, I am going to add another page to wbmaclean.com dedicated not only to submitted versions of the colouring book page, but any & all manipulations of my art, no matter what subjects are broached. That is a promise.

What Did I Do This Evening?

2008-05-30T00:17:00.001-07:00

Before I ended up doing what I ended up doing I shuddered. Kinda like this...

*shudder*

I didn't need to see my darling K posing in a bra on her facebook. I really really didn't.

Then I curled up in the foetal position & cried. Kinda like this...

*adopts the foetal position & cries*

================

Ashley bent my rubber arm & got me out to the bar. We hit Fitzy's first for cheap wing night, then to Crossovers. Locals know it as the first exotic dancer club in Barrie (circa the late 80s?).

Sexy crazy babes & cool dudes can be found below! There's a tale or two from the strip club, but...

(you know what's coming)

...what happens in the ripper bar stays in the ripper bar.

OUCH! Hubba...

Ash & longtime friend (new friend to me) Shannon at Fitzy's.

Cuzzin Abe, cohort from way back, on our way out of Bendovers.

It's only appropriate that bleary-eyed me is all blurry & shit.

I Don't Like Little Butts

2008-05-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

Today & tomorrow I'm drawing with the equivalent of a toker rolling the roaches in the ashtray. I could've sworn I had another pack of non-repro blue leads kicking around, but I'm obviously mistaken.

A close-up of the gear.

The closest I've gotten to a splash-page are these two panels that together comprise about 2/3s of page 1 of Time & Time Again, the 5-pager that 's novel inspired. That's Drajaan Floyd on the left & the character of Leonie Smith, aka Stormbringer (I still haven't decided which name I'm going to go with on that one - any thoughts?)

And this is me in mock *hurry up with that vomitus receptacle cuz I, a person without a pinky finger, am about to hurl*

Curiosity...

2008-05-27T20:41:00.000-07:00

I was walking past a home for the developmentally disabled the other day. The wall surrounding it is solid. All I could discern was a large group of residents shouting 13... 13... 13...!

The wall was too high to see over, but I saw a small hole a little below my eye level - kinda shoulder-height. I hunched a bit to see if I could get a good look at what was causing all the commotion.

Some fucker poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting 14... 14... 14...!